I'm finally home

Sorry for the very belated update.
One year has gone so fast that it was almost impossible for me to catch up with the passing of time.

So much has happened since my last post, yet I still remember vividly the anxiety and the uncertainties of it all. Believe it or not, I had a very difficult time in the last few months. Slow, inefficient and unfair recruitment processes almost drove me nuts. I would not want to bore you with the details, but I am so glad that it is all over now. Hopefully from now on, everything would be smooth-sailing. I really hope that was the last of the storm.

So despite not being able to get my psychiatry registrar job in Hobart (due to major mess-up by the HR), I was still able to secure myself an RMO job in Hobart (albeit really late), which was really what I would prefer. For that, I am very thankful.
Guess that's one more year for me to consider carefully whether I wanna be a GP or a psychiatrist!

I think 2016 would be a good year for me, for us.
I am now finally back in Hobart, back to the place I had called home for the past few years, back to where you are. I could still remember the elated look on your face for that whole day when I first came back down to Hobart for good. You were so happy and for some reason it moved me to tears.

We are buying a house together too, hoping to move in this coming month or two. It was a great little 250 square meters brick house, full of sunlight and great view. I am no great designer, but I am gonna make this feel like home. For us, for our future family.

We are engaged, planning to marry within this year. It wasn't a huge engagement, no friends or family present, just a little private time between the two of us. In my favourite Sydney, during a weekend getaway. A dainty little diamond ring. I am never that girl who has an ideal wedding in mind down to the little details like the colour of the napkin rings, so I would envisage a small, simple ceremony. (I would have went for the option of just registering and not having any ceremony at all, but I guess The Boy and my parents would probably not like the idea... >.<)

Anyway, so there, lots to plan in the months to come! That, and adapting to my new job in a new hospital. Sounds like an exciting year. I am looking forward to all that life has to offer me!

And counting my blessings everyday. =)

9 more sleeps to the big day

So it's gonna be an interesting birthday for me. Job interview in Hobart in the morning, flying off to Melbourne in the evening.

Now that I am almost a quarter century old, I find that I don't enjoy birthdays that much any more. It's just an unpleasant reminder that after multiple relocations around the world, how very few friends you have left by your side who would be free to spend your birthday with you, or how few would even remember your birthday. And how this could be about the 5th birthday you are spending away from your family who are thousands of miles away. Oh and of course, how you are getting another year older, and still without a stable job, a home, a family of your own. At times I feel like I am no much different from that fresh-faced 17 year old girl who left home in pursue of greater things (deep down knowing that the best life would probably always be the one she was leaving behind); I can still taste that fear of the uncertainty, that helplessness in the hands of faith, that loneliness ...

At least I have you with me. And that is enough to make me feel so so blessed. You're my window in the dark.

Now if only dear God would please grant me a successful interview, and a job in Hobart, where I intend to be. That would be the best birthday gift ever.

*praying hard*

To the one who was never meant to be:

I kinda miss you tonight.
Not the I-badly-want-to-see-you-now kind, just a subtle regret that you aren't present in my life any more and I somewhat wish you were.

I find that I can no longer recall your face in the details like I used to. For in those days I used to memorize every line on your face, your slightly lopsided smile with the perfect white teeth, the soft brown roots of your hair, and those eyes which colour I could never really tell. Your scent, strawberry cheesecake. How you reminded me of sunshine. The sound of your name rolling off my tongue. Five-thirty waiting for you in the foyer wishing you would walk by. How you could always take my breath away and leave me tongue-tied.

Despite all that, looking back I don't think I had truly loved you. I thought it was love back then, but somehow it wasn't. Or maybe it was, but I had gotten over it now and could no longer comprehend how I felt before.

You see, as unbelievable as it might sound now, there was this one time three lifetimes ago when "loving" you was my world. And despite the pain and the tears and the shoulda-coulda-woulda, I kinda miss the sentiments of that. There is a kind of bittersweetness that sounded almost romantic; destructive but beautiful.

Things change over time; I bet I did, and so do you. But just so you know, I still like your previous last name better. For that was the you that I knew and loved.

Wherever you are, I wish you are happy, just like I am happy. It took me a while, and many regretful choices in the interim, but I had once again found happiness in the form of love.

I miss you.
Not in an I-love-you way, just... in an I-miss-you way.

But as always, you'll never know. 

Knick knacks

The mystery had finally been solved. Our deductions were pridefully accurate, and when interrogated, the 'culprit' (surgeon...orthopod...duh) confessed right on the spot. Case closed, one point for Detective Stephen and Detective Christine! =)

I would've loved to tell you that my life had been happening but it sadly isn't. The power trip in the psych unit medical officers' room has been the highlight of the week. Pathetic much? Heh. Still, I'm not complaining, somehow I am getting used to this mundane, slow-paced rural lifestyle. I am still undecided whether it is a good thing or not.

Fortunately, the fortnightly drive down to Hobart and back is starting to be increasingly enjoyable. Especially when singing along to Taylor Swift records. (Don't judge me! =P)

Interview calls seem to be gradually coming in from the mainland and all, I am both anticipating and dreading the one from Hobart. I NEED to get a job there next year. Burnie is no doubt a very beautiful place, but it gets tiring, all these 'long-distance thing' with my beloved boy. It gets lonely too.

30 weeks down, 22 more to go.

At times, I'm jealous of those people who get to see you everyday... 

 

Of purple fingers, unequal pupils and sore bottoms

You might wonder what rotation could offer me such great opportunities to review these mighty presentations. And some of them were even "urgent"! Of course, purple fingers turned out to be Raynaud's phenomenon and not ischemic fingers; unequal pupils was just due to an old eye injury, and sore bottoms were usually due to prolonged sitting/lying (common in catatonic/schizophrenic patients who assume a statue-like posture, not moving for hours at a time!)  

I am currently in week 3 of psychiatry relief and I am kinda enjoying myself. I had always loved mental health and truly enough there was never a dull moment in the ward! Head-banging, dismantling doors, shouting and wailing were common occurrences. However as the psych RMO, my job seems to be nowhere mental health related. Rather, I was much like the over-exploited pseudo med reg/ward slave/walking encyclopaedia/dental consultant/receptionist/IT support/patient's boredom reliever. Sometimes I wonder, where is the psychiatry?

Anyway, I am not gonna complain because compared to ward cover or surgical rotations, the workload in psych was a breeze. It could easily be as few as 5 jobs per day, including writing up investigation forms. No discharge summaries too, what a treat! I could hang out with my friends in the med/surg ward or sneak out for an hour-long lunch break. Other times, I could work on my languages. Yes I'm proud to announce that I am finally back to working on my Spanish again, after a year-long hiatus! And I am starting to pick up some French too (since the Boy learnt it in high school, maybe it could be our secret language. Heh).  

Also, Stephen (my partner in crime) and I had currently became part-time detectives, whereby our newest case is to investigate the ownership of a certain black Porsche 911 Carrera in our hospital staff parking lot. Whoever it is, what a lucky bastard!

Hmm...or maybe not. =P 

Think twice before you marry a doctor!

This will be the engagement story I'll tell my friends and future children:

He didn't propose to me. I wasn't even sure if we were ever engaged, really. We just sort of came to a consensus that we are getting married, vaguely "in about a year's time for that would be a suitable time". About the same way doctors and patients discuss treatment plans: 

There was no sky-writing, heart shape balloons or candles, fireworks, riding in on a white horse or 999 roses. Not even the typical feat of man getting on one knee asking "Will you marry me?". The only thing I recall was that we had a great meal in a mall in a third world country. We were walking around window-shopping when I suggested "Let's look at rings here, they might be cheaper. We could buy one, you know, get it over and done with."

Now which little girl still dreams about marrying a doctor? =P

Will you call me tonight?

Hello, Christine here, ward cover/night intern!

Sorry for the long hiatus. These days, my biological clock's a mess.

Ten things I learnt about working nights:
1. The term SHIT MAGNET.
2. You'll be amazed at the magnitude of the 'flight or flight' response that the beeping of your pager could generate.
3. You'll almost always PUT ON WEIGHT! (Imma blame it on midnight snacking!)
4. You'll love the peace and quiet of the wards (most times) but dread the social isolation.
5. Getting used to walking down long, dark hospital corridors and not thinking of scenes from a horror movie.
6. You will be constantly praying that there will be no MET calls/Code Blues, and obsessively counting down to handover time. (Yawn yawn yawn)
7. 0400 is the most difficult point of the shift to stay awake.
8. 0600-0730 is when it gets busy. (and when you're most crankly)
9. Add "home team to review mane" in almost every plan you make. You can never go wrong. =)
10. Your main aim is to keep em' hangin' on till 0800.

So catch me if you could.

Beyond - Circa

I was back for the long weekend.

It felt as if I never left. 

The circus is in town. The splendid Spigeltent, and all the wonders it holds within. 

The Boy got us tickets to the opening of Circa (half price for Battery Point residents - SCORE!).  

It was a night filled with out-of-the-world experiences. Trapeze, aerial hoops and straps, silks, and of course, the almost-two-storey-high pole.

Once again, I wish I could run away with the circus.
Yet I'm just that awe-struck girl watching them soar.

Isn't it bliss?

Don't you approve?

Me here at last on the ground,

You in mid-air.

Where are the clowns?

Send in the clowns.

Don't bother, they're here.

Ain't Nobody Got Time For That

I never liked Chinese New Year. It is the time of the year that reminds you that there are people in your life that you need to get rid of.

Toxic people. People who tries to make you feel small because they are insecure in themselves; people who curse you because they are jealous of you and people who are so fucking selfish they would take advantage of the elderly or disabled.

Oh yes there ARE people like that. Not just anyone, but relatives.

Well the truth is, I don't care one bit. Because even if allegedly you people have some vague blood ties with me in some way or other just because we are related, I AM NOTHING LIKE ALL OF YOU. I would give a gazillion bucks to bet that my set of DNAs are nothing like yours too. As far as I am concerned, you are NOT family to me.

But I do care if you hurt MY FAMILY.

So back off. Go hide behind your pompous shells and mind your own goddamn business. Oh, and do us all a favor, don't ever come over to 'visit'. Because we all know, that those visit are just to borrow more money or to steal someone's fridge magnet or your elderly mother's coffee powder. For God's sake, how low can you people get to?!!

Well then, hope you get rich one day just by saving up on paying your part of grandma's monthly medical bills of approximately....... 30 dollars.

IDIOTS. 

Valentine's Day

It's basically just like any other day. Albeit over-commercialized.

At least the Boy's here with me. And I'm not working that dreaded 15-hour weekend shift.
That's good enough for me.

I thank God today for having him (and all his leftover reports from work) here with me on our very first Valentine's Day together as a couple.
I thank God he knows me well enough to have the sense not to spend unnecessary money on flowers that will wither or chocolates that will exacerbate the ache in my sensitive gum near my left premolar.

Instead he brought me a whole box of (healthy and not-so-healthy) snacks that I can have in bed while reading my ALS course preparation handbook. (Think pine nuts and pork crackling) Also, Indian takeaway for dinner. Pea pulao and garlic naan's the best.

I pray for the many more Valentine's Day to come. That the Boy will be here by my side, regardless of whether we celebrate it or not. I  don't need any expensive gifts, fancy fine-dining or fireworks. Just us, together. Spending quality time, sharing workplace gossips.

To me, that's the best kind of Valentine's Day.

Burkholderia Pseudomallei

Doesn't that sound lovely?

I have been learning a lot about infectious disease these days. (Who says orthopedics is only about the bones?) One would think that in a little hospital like this, you do not come across many types of bugs. Mainly just the Staph Aureus, at times some C.Diffs, and occasionally some gram negs (proteus mirabilis). 

How wrong were we. 

For on this faithful week, we were visited by not one, but two rare infections amongst our inpatients. I am not going into much details as it will be a boring read (I don't have many viewers to start with and this would definitely send the last of them fleeing - microbiology seems to be everyone's least favourite subject).

Hence, quick succinct case summaries as below, with plans as per ID consultant from Hobart:

Case 1

65yo F, presented with septic L knee. 

Joint fluid culture grew Burkholderia Pseudomallei.

B/G - Recent visit to Darwin during wet season. Had pneumonia 4 weeks prior to this admission - now resolved. No past medical history. 

Dx - Clinical picture consistent with melioidosis.

Mx - Extensive investigations warranted as occult sources of melioid might be present and can be asymptomatic (ECHO, CT, bloods etc). IV meropenem cover for at least 4 weeks, and then at least 6 months of oral antibiotics as prolonged eradication therapy.  Weekly bloods + inflammatory markers. Repeat investigations down the line as well.    

Sounds like a big deal? IT IS A BIG DEAL. Not a bug you ever want to get, as it has a high recurrence rate, as well as being associated with high mortality and morbidity. Technically, it behaves kinda like TB. Both being tropical diseases, endemic in Northern Territory of Australia, and South East Asia. Usually spread via contact with contaminated soil or water, at times even via inhaling dust particles. Increased susceptibility among the immuno-compromised, diabetes or cystic fibrosis patients. 

Main cause for melioidosis. Melioidosis is an infection caused by Burkholderia. Signs and symptoms may include pain in chest, bones, or joints; cough; skin infections, lung nodules and pneumonia. Might even cause liver abscess - typically with a "honeycomb" characteristic. Lung nodules and liver abscesses might at times be asymptomatic, hence the need to perform extensive investigations. The strange thing is, melioidosis is said to be able to affect any organs except for the heart valves (endocarditis). (*We are not sure how far this is true, so we did an ECHO just in case.)

Case 2

48yo F, presented with infected R index finger.  

Wound washout m/c/s grew Roseomonas Gilardii. 

B/G - Previous similar infection in thumb. Both infections requiring repeated surgical washouts and debridement. Both infections arise from simple cuts from household work. Works at a milk processing factory in the packaging department. 

Dx - Infected R index finger

Mx - x2 surgical washouts and debridement. For IV Tazocin + oral Ciprofloxacin until wound-healing is satisfactory. Then stepdown therapy with oral Ciprofloxacin + oral Augmentin DF for another 2 weeks then cease. For investigations of why she suffered recurrent similar infections (likely linked to her workplace). Occupational health physician to review with regards to workplace safety and prevention/precautions to be taken.

As compared to Case 1, this is a less menancing bug. However, it is very rarely known to cause human infections, and we were unsure how did the patient actually pick it up. Transmission is via contact with contaminated soil or reservoir water. The most likely explanation was that the source of infection was from her workplace, possibly from the pumped creek water they use for general cleaning purposes. 

Roseomonas infections tend to occur in the immunocompromised or debilitated host. Most patients recover completely from their infections. Bacteremia is the most common clinical presentation reported in the literature. The patients generally present with fever. Other rare presentations reported in the literature have been peritonitis, septic arthritis, ventriculitis, left ventricular assist device (LVAD) infection, vertebral osteomyelitis and keratitis.

Once again, kudos if you survived my boring blog post up to this point. You may call me a nerd, but I actually found these cases pretty interesting, so I thought imma share with you this time. Even the ID consultant was like:" these are not infections that you will normally see. You might not even get to see another case of Burkolderia infection ever again, especially if you are working in this part of the country (the very much non-tropical Tasmania)!" 

Once again, behold the beauty of a Burholderia colony on blood agar. And culturing these is apparently a biohazard to the lab and special isolation is needed! (sounds cool! Made me think of  my fav zombie movies i.e. Resident Evil) 

*all patients are fully de-identified and no patient details contained in these case summaries* 

Typical Day of an Orthopaedic Intern

I find working strangely calming. Being constantly on-the-go, with missions to complete and new issues popping up every now and then to add to your list is actually kinda exhilarating. And I just love how time flies without you even noticing it. These days it seems like time is no longer defined by the numbers, but rather, the jobs left to be done before 5pm.

If you are ever curious about how a typical day goes for an orthopaedic intern, let me enlighten you with a timeline (say for today). Hold your breath, here goes.

6.30am - Arrive at the surgical ward. Update patients' list. Add on new admissions, check progress of all patients overnight, chase bloods and imaging results. Do your own pre-rounds (before the reg's pre-rounds, and wayyy before the actual ward rounds) if time permits.

7.00am - Registrar arrives at ward. Print patients' list to hand out to the team. Paper round with registrar to update him/her/them about all patients. Registrar does his pre-rounds. Carry out new jobs (eg: order repeat bloods/XRays for post-op patients)

7.15-7.30am - The rest of the team (consultants, allied health members and occasionally nurses) arrives. Official paper round of the morning - team will discuss patients' issues, and coming up with plans. Intern to note down plans and carry most of them out later in the day.

7.30-7.45am - Commence ward rounds. Interns leading the way and showing the team to the rooms and patients. Also looking for patients' obs chart. More jobs might be added to list as we go.

8.00-9.00am (depending on patient load and complexity) - End of ward rounds. Consultants and registrars off for coffee/clinic/operation theatre. Interns return to doctor's office to write progress notes in retrospect for the ward rounds in each patient's folder. Liaise with nurse unit manger about plans for each patient under our care. Also liaise with nurses looking after each patient if there are any specific jobs to be done (catheter to come out/new medication charted or ceased/obtain urine sample/stitches or staples to come out etc).

9.00am to 12.30pm - Completing jobs and chasing up results. For today, we had to chase an ID consult, chase an ECHO, chase x2 blood cultures, chase x2 urine mcs, discharge x3 patients, and also prepare discharge scripts and paperwork for another x2 patients for discharge to nursing home tomorrow. Also x1 palliative care referral and x1 opthalmology referral. While we are going about completing jobs, nurses might approach us about new issues about patients under their care, and we will need to review or manage accordingly. For today, we had a post-op young guy who failed to void and requiring a catheter. There was also a cannula to be resited. Multiple medications to be recharted. A lady with low blood pressure and query to withold frusemide for today. Meeting family member of a paediatric patient to discuss ongoing management and compliance issue. Providing

12.30-1.30pm - JMO education sessions every Tuesday for an hour. Today we learnt about how to assess journals from the hospital library.

1.30pm to 5.00pm - Continuing where we left off, completing the rest of the jobs leftover from the morning. I attended the palliative care consult for one of our patients, and discussed the plan with the consultant. Received phone call liaison by the ID team at the Royal Hobart Hospital (gosh I miss that place!) and confirmation of antimicrobial therapy for patient with septic knee. Then I received a call from pre-admission clinic to see a man who is due for elective L total knee replacement - completed assessment, pre-admission and paperwork. Chase up post-op bloods and XRays to see if all were well. Then I returned to discuss ID consult results with registrar and carry out plans as per discussion. Went to talk to patient and explain her condition and tentative management plan. Printed patient information for her.        

5.00pm to 6.00pm - Was just about leaving for the day when registrar called up to admit a patient from ED with a L neck of femur fracture. Did admission and bloods and ordered CT. Waited for registrar to arrive to take over admission and discuss plan. Finally got to leave when all paperwork was settled and handed over to evening ward cover intern to chase up CT for the new patient.

Kudos if you have endured to read up to this point.

And to think that I once aspired to be an orthopaedic surgeon! Thank God that was a brief phase I have long since gotten over. Oh, but I guess that was mainly about the money anyway. =P

Have I told you how much I hate waking up early in the morning? ARGH. 

There must be a reason

At this very moment, I am sitting in a bus en route to Hobart. The first of many future trips, I would presume.

Ahh Hobart, the place I have lived in for the past 3 years. I used to think of it as a boring little town, until I came to Burnie. Now Hobart feels like paradise.

What is my calling, dear Lord? Why is it that you have sent me here? There isn't much for me in this place. Burnie is beautiful, breathtaking even. But there is no dance, there is no pole. There is no one, and nothing I love. Just long, lonely nights and endless phone calls that will never be the same.

Who am I then, without all those that sustain me?

My workplace was pretty great, but ortho is physically and emotionally draining. We have half the workforce but the similar patient load as Hobart. Go figure.

Three weeks down, Forty nine more to go.

There must be a reason. Even if I couldn't see it just yet. This I believe.  

Beginner's luck?

So the past week has been a blur of events. Orientation week for new interns. It was overwhelming; with zillions of forms to fill in, wrapping our heads around the system, organizing salary packaging and ID cards etc. Upside is we get paid though. So am not complaining. Heh.

Today marks my first day working as a doctor. An orthopedic intern, to be exact. Gosh, I am still getting used to having the title Dr in front of my name. Signing patients' charts, ordering bloods and scans... For one, it felt so strange that suddenly my signature became of so much value. Everything I write becomes an order that people would actually care to follow.
To think of the responsibilities!

I have to say, it was exhilarating.

Waking up at 5.30am to turn up at work before 7am wasn't much fun though. Dear me, I am never a morning person! Strangely enough, I wasn't dozing off at work. (much.) Guess it's the adrenaline rush that sustained me.

At the end of the day, all I hope is that I made the right call for my patients. That Cephalexin I started; that Tramadol I ceased...

So I survived the day. And hopefully that'll be the case for the many more days to come. Tomorrow is yet another new day; with new challenges, new unknowns, new opportunities to make or to break.

Till then, I pray with all my might that I won't kill anyone.

Safe and sound

For her. For them.

Lord please have mercy. Bless me with Your grace that I would never have deserved. 

For her. 

The one who raised me and loved me like no one ever did. The one who holds me like I am her world. She is beautiful. And she gave me life. How could I ever repay life? 

Least I could do is to stay safe. Not to leave her till she leaves me.  

Spare her the heartbreak, the sorrow, the pain... all the horrible things that come with losing the one you love. I pray she would never have to go through that. I would gladly take them all if that would promise her happiness. I am the stronger one afterall.

Just as long as we could stay;

Safe and sound. 

Amen. 

Flashbacks

Because in all the days to come, I shall not forget that moment. It was as though we entered a time warp and time slows down. Tick tock, tick tock. 

Everything was in slow motion. 
Turning away because I couldn't watch you go. My tear-streaked face. Afternoon drizzle. Blurring vision. The helplessness. The anger. Happy faces that passed me by. The ones that could stay. I felt my insides boil, of bitter resentment. But most of all, fear. 

What would happen to us, then? 

People holding hands, big smiles. 
This will be a privilege that neither of us could have, given the circumstances. Since when has it come to this? 

I spent two years building this nest I might just start to call home. Settling down, adapting. Painstakingly. 
Then they took it all away from me. 

And you. They took you too. Along with everything good I once knew here. 
And now...

My mornings miss you,

My evenings seek you;

I want to hold your hands and walk a mile,

Don't wanna miss you, even a while...

Fear of the future is always worse than pain of the past. 

The one that got away

To the one that will never be mine,

My dear Fairlady, I bet you get this a lot, but I was enchanted since the first time I laid my eyes upon you. What's not to love; your sleek sporty exterior, the orange and gold gleam that reminds me of my favourite sunset, your powerful 3.5L (3500cc) engine that would surely bring me joy on the road, and your cleverly-placed door handles... oh, and your very reasonable price tag which is totally the icing on the cake.    

The Boy almost secured you from Melbourne for me. Imagine my excitement when I first heard the news. I even read up all about you; heart pounding in my chest at the prospect of meeting you for the first time. My perfect little dream car. I was even slightly worried that you might not like it in Burnie. Afterall, a rural village is no place for a stunner like you. But baby, I know for one that you'll surely love the five hour drive to Hobart on the weekends! 

I have loved you even before I met you. So you could imagine my disappointment when The Boy told me two days later that his friend in Melbourne got it all wrong, and that you are of manual transmission rather than automatic, as was described to us earlier. I was devastated. I know I should buck up and learn how to drive a manual car (again), but trust me darling, I have tried. I took The Boy's Peugeot for a spin that same afternoon, secretly wishing I would pick it up in no time and that you'll still be mine. But I sucked BIG TIME. Afterall, it had been months since I last driven, and never a manual car since obtaining my license. And when it comes to driving, I am not unlike a dancer with two left feet.  

I am so sorry for letting you go; know that I wanted more than anything to be your new owner. But I was not worthy, operating a clutch was so alien to me I would need at least months to familiarize myself with it, and I just don't have that time to learn before I hit the road with you. I could still go ahead but honestly we both know it would not do us both any good. And I will blame myself eternally if my lack of skills would much so scar your beauty. 

Maybe next time, my love. In the meantime, I guess I would have to settle for an automatic second best. 

So this is farewell, my golden goodness. I hope you'll be happier with your new owner (The Boy's friend, ahh that lucky bastard), and that he will treasure you as much as I would if you were ever mine. I pray that the concrete skyscrapers in Melbourne would compliment your beauty better than the vineyard and dirt roads down here, I hope that traffic jam will never find you, I hope you'll always find a parking spot wherever you go, and there'll be no drunkies hitting on your bonnet or dogs peeing on your wheels.  

You shall always be in my heart, oh the one that got away. =( 

   

With deepest regret,
Christine

Where am I now?

The Marion Amber looks like an exciting new move. Maybe I'll try it the next class. It does look awfully similar to the craddle-to-butterfly combo, which I still lack the arm strength to do (sigh). Maybe if I stayed on for another year, I could. I might even pull off the handsprings and the shoulder mounts! Ahh... but guess what, I'm not.

I'll miss my pole classes A LOT when I'm up in Burnie. And all the 365 days of new tricks that were to come. What shall sustain me, then?

Why is it that every time I find something great, it'll have to be taken away from me?

And why so, after all this while, I am ending up further and further away from where I intended to be?

What have I left, but Yours... 

A fellow introvert would understand

Human beings are herd animals. Or at least most are. The general viewpoint is that one's inability to function in a social setting is deemed a disability or an illness; for example, social phobia or agoraphobia.

I wonder why.

Because for one, I hate social events. But I am NOT gonna admit that just because of that, I have a mental illness. Of course, there's the DSM/ICD criteria for what accounts for a certain mental disorder, but I would like to think that it is sometimes just purely a matter of choice.

I would have digressed, but it really peeves me out when people confuse antisocial personality disorder with social phobia. As per my faithful wiki (which I know is not always a legit resource but pardon my lack of research effort for a rushed blog post), antisocial personality disorder is "characterized by a pervasive pattern of disregard for, or violation of, the rights of others. There may be an impoverished moral sense or conscience and a history of crime, legal problems, and impulsive and aggressive behavior." Both ICD and DSM includes psychopathy or sociopathy as part of said condition. 

This is vastly different from avoidant personality disorder (which is what most people actually mean when they say antisocial) - " a Cluster C personality disorder recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders handbook as afflicting persons when they display a pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation, and avoidance of social interaction. Individuals afflicted with the disorder tend to describe themselves as ill at ease, anxious, lonely, and generally feel unwanted and isolated from others." This condition constitutes generalized social phobia (which is considered the milder end of the spectrum); the entire spectrum sharing the same underlying personality of introversion. 

Okay back to where I was, I hate social events. Well maybe 'hate' is too strong a word to use, 'generally do not prefer' sounds like a better alternative. And by social events, I don't mean close family gatherings, or catch-up sessions with close friends etc; I mean those obligatory work dinners or cocktail parties or festive occasions (some birthday parties and graduation included too). Those where you don't know half of the people attending, where you will either be labelled a wallflower or a social butterfly; where you have to learn all the fleeting names of strangers that may or may not cross paths with you again, do the obligatory small talk about various insignificant things, eat modest amounts of dainty finger food even when you are so hungry you could eat a bull... All with a fake, sickly sweet smile plastered on your face throughout.

It is those functions that seriously drain me. Even the thought of them makes me feel exhausted.

Still, social functions seem inevitable at times, because as I said earlier, human beings are herd animals; we just love socialization.

I had the honor of being invited to one just last week, courtesy of the Boy. Much as I would prefer to lie in bed in my pajamas watching sappy TV shows and sipping on ice-cold coke, I knew he wanted to go and really wished that I could join him, so I said yes to being his plus-one. (also because I was curious what would my name card say - I was imagining something like Director of ECT's consort).

It ended up just being Christine. Yeah, I would've guessed.

In all fairness, it was an okay night though. People were friendly, and that helped a little, even though we barely knew anyone who attended. The turn-up was pretty good though, and people did seem to be having a great time. There were quite a few eye surgeons and anesthetists, some dental dept people and other unknown surgeons, some nurse managers as well as administrative people. It was kinda hard for me not to stick out like a sore thumb though, considering the fact that most of the people there were at least twice my age. I felt like that meek little medical student crashing a consultants' meeting all over again. Sigh.

But food was good so I was at least happy with a full tummy at the end of the night. =)

Now, graduation up next. shikesssssss! It's gonna be tedious. I just know.

In the meantime, let me recuperate.

City by the sea

Sorry for the temporary hiatus, I have been spending the past week in sunny Sydney (more beach time yay!), and it was AMAZING! The Boy and I went on the pretext of him attending a psychiatry conference, but hey, one does not simply go to the city by the sea just for a boring sit-down in an air conditioned room without soaking up the whole big city experience.. and of course, the beautiful beaches (have I told you already that I LOOOOVE beaches?).

Oh yes, Sydney is one of the Top 10 Beach Cities as per National Geographic, alongside Bacelona, Miami, Santa Monica etc. All of which are places I would really want to visit this lifetime (if work can be merciful, that is). Actually, I am not much of a travel junkie, really. Just the idea of beaches seems so irresistible.

And the food. The wide variety of food the big cities offer always drive me greedily yearning to try everything even when there actually aren't that many mealtimes in a day. Which was why every time I go on a vacation, I end up putting on weight because I'm eating up to 6 meals a day just to work through my bucket list of food-to-eat (cravings included).

Pictures to follow as I am a really lazy narrator (blame it on med school training - with all the medical abbreviations and point-form documentation, as well as the ISBAR presentation proforma).

complimentary jelly beans by the hotel! =) 

gawking at the luxurious sports cars parked outside four seasons hotel... I loveee the Lamborghini!

And the perks of living in Darling Harbour --- you get to have amazing scenery, day and night! Oh how I love the blue skies and blue sea! 

And also the ferry rides...

The always-picturesque Sydney Opera House. One of the most beautiful architecture I have seen. Definitely better than Menzies Clinical School, that is.

The Boy and I took the ferry to Manly. And the beautiful beach totally blew me away!

I could stay here forever...

Trying out our new fitbits

And the rest has to be food pics!

Mamak - who could resist roti telur bawang? 

Some Taiwanese beer, tasted just like fruit juice. Oh well.

Yummy but fattening pork cracklings at a Mexican place

Green tea and black sesame snow flake dessert. YUM!!!

And the BEST FOOD I had this trip has to be this --- 

'Home' Thai is this Thai restaurant located along Sussex St, and it is forever crowded! So we decided to try it out on our last night in Sydney, and it turned out to be the BEST Thai food we ever had! I regret not trying it out much earlier, but if that was the case, I am pretty sure we would be going back there for all the following nights and miss out on any other food... but it'll be totally worth it though. Oh yes, it is THAT good.

It was a short, but wonderful trip nevertheless. Strangely, these days I am finding myself gradually being won over by Sydney, mainly because of the oh-so-lovely beaches that unfortunately Melbourne lacks... but I don't think my skin agrees with the warmer weather, and decent city dwellings cost more than a million here, oh well.

But guess I'll be stuck in Burnie for the next year, so bye bye big-city life for now! I'll be back.

Meanwhile, find me amongst the meadows, a poor little damsel/intern in distress.. =P